Not many parents enjoy thinking of their children as sexual beings. However, it is important to remember that the majority of the population will become sexually active at some point in their lives. While sex should be fun and pleasurable, it is important to experience sexual pleasure both safely and lawfully. Sex should not cause physical or emotional harm to another person.
- What does my child need to know about sex and the law?
It is very important that people know:
- The age of sexual consent
- What consensual sex is
- What non-consensual sex is
- The law surrounding sending indecent images
- What is the age of sexual consent?
The age of consent is the age when the law says you can agree to have sex. The legal age of sexual consent in the UK is 16 years old, regardless of gender or sexual orientation. This includes:
- Vaginal, anal and oral sex
- Mutual masturbation
- Sexual touching (even through clothing)
The legal age of sexual consent should not be confused with the normative age. It is understandable that some young people may think they are supposed to start having sex at 16 if the law says they can. Not only is this incorrect, but most people also don't lose their virginity at 16. People should start to have sex when they and their partner are both ready.
The legal age of sexual consent should not be confused with the normative age. It is understandable that some young people may think they are supposed to start having sex at 16 if the law says they can. Not only is this incorrect, but most people also don't lose their virginity at 16. People should start to have sex when they and their partner are both ready.
The law is in place to protect children and young people. It is not intended to prosecute the people it aims to protect. The law is not intended to punish consensual sexual activity between two young people of a similar age, as long as it does not involve abuse or exploitation.
Under no circumstances, regardless of what the child says, if someone is aged 12 or under, they are unable to consent to sex. This is automatically classed as statutory rape.
- What’s the difference between consensual and non-consensual sex?
The Sexual Offences Act 2003 says that someone consents to sexual activity if they:
- Agree by choice and
- Have both the freedom and capacity to make that choice.
- Non-consensual sex
Non-consensual is sex with someone who has not freely agreed by choice and/or does not have the capacity to make that choice. Non-consensual sex includes:
- Sex with someone who is too intoxicated to consent
- Sex with someone who is asleep or unconscious
- Sex with someone who says 'No'
- Continuing to have sex with someone who says 'stop'
- Sex with someone under 13 years old
- Physically or psychologically forced sex
- Sex with someone who does not have the mental capacity
- What's the difference between sexual assault and rape?
The Sexual Offences Act 2003, defines rape as non-consensual vaginal, anal, or oral penetration with a penis. Penetration with something other than a penis, for example, fingers or an object, is classed as sexual assault. Sexual assault can also happen when a person is touched sexually without their consent. It is important to understand that not all rape and sexual assaults include violence.
Remember, the victim is never to blame for sexual assault. They have done nothing wrong and it can be difficult to prevent. Educating people on sex and law can help people understand what sexual consent is and isn't.
For further information on rape and sexual assault:
- for Over 16 click here
- for Under 16 click here
- What should I do if my child is a victim?
If you are a victim of rape or sexual assault you need to call the police as soon as possible. This can be a distressing time and contacting the police can be very difficult. If you are unsure if you want to contact the police or need support, Sexual Assault Referral Centres (SARC) can offer help.To find your local SARC please click here.
- What is Sexting?
Sexting is the sharing of naked or semi-naked images with another person, usually a sexual partner. Images are usually shared by text message but can also be via e-mail or social media.
The sender may have initially consented to their image being taken and shared, but once the image(s) have been shared with one person, they no longer have control over who else has access to their image; it is no longer their image. Sometimes, these images may be shared with others without the intent to cause harm but they can also be shared deliberately to cause maximum harm. This may be referred to as revenge porn. Indecent images are most commonly shared between partners during relationships but they also be shared to deliberately hurt or bully another child. Regardless of intent, sharing images of someone else is harmful and if they are under 18 years old, it is also illegal.
Under the amended Protection of Children Act 1978, the UK has a strict prohibition on the taking, making, possession, and distribution of any indecent photograph of a child under 18 years old.
- What can I do to help prevent this from happening to my child?
- Make sure your child understands the law surrounding indecent images of children
- Explain that once their image is shared, it will forever be in the public domain
- Warn your child against re-sharing of images that they have been sent
- Encourage your child to speak to you or a trusted adult if they received an indecent image of another child
- If your child is in a relationship, discourage your child from sending indecent images to their partner
- Make sure your child understands the repercussions of sending or sharing an image, not just legally but also the emotional distress it can cause to either themselves or someone else. In some cases, the effects have been catastrophic.
- Encourage your child to think before they post or share any posts regardless of content
- What is revenge porn?
Revenge porn is the deliberate sharing of sexual images or videos of other people without their consent with the intent to cause harm or distress. Revenge porn is now a criminal offence.
If you are concerned that your child has become a victim of revenge porn, the revenge porn helpline offers support and guidance.
- What is grooming?
Grooming is the process of building a relationship with a child or young person so they can exploit or abuse them.
Grooming mainly used to take place in person, usually by someone known to the child and in a position of trust; a family member or friend, teacher or youth worker. With advances in technology and most young people having access to mobiles or computers, grooming is more commonly taking place online. This change in access has led to a change in the way groomers target children and young people. Groomers are now more likely to contact multiple children at once in hopes of a reply. This may be via social media, games, chat forums, text/WhatsApp messages or e-mail.
Groomer may pose as themselves or someone else, often as someone younger and similar age to the child they are targeting. They build a relationship with the child over a period of time to build trust.
What are the signs of grooming?
Spotting the signs can be difficult, especially in teenagers as some normal teenage behaviour is similar to signs of grooming which may include:
- being very secretive about how they're spending their time, including when online
- having an older boyfriend or girlfriend
- having money or new things like clothes and mobile phones that they can't or won't explain
- underage drinking or drug taking
- spending more or less time online or on their devices
- being upset, withdrawn or distressed
- sexualised behaviour, language or an understanding of sex that's not appropriate for their age
- spending more time away from home or going missing for periods of time.
The child is often unaware that they are being groomed and they may not tell anyone once they realise they are being exploited. They are likely to feel scared or frightened that they will be hurt or even feel like they have done something wrong. Groomers will go to extreme measures to prevent their victims from disclosing their abuse. They may threaten the child or their family or blackmail the child. If a child tells you they are being abused, groomed or exploited, it is very important to take them seriously. Listen very carefully and offer reassurance.
- My child or someone else has disclosed abuse, what do I do now?
- How can I help keep my child safe online?
Educating your child to develop their knowledge skills and confidence online can help protect them against online abuse. ThinkuKnow offers information, support and guidance or both children and parents. For more information, please click here
