Parents guide to relationships

Parents Guide to Relationships

Your child, who you have always loved unconditionally, now loves or thinks they love, someone else. This can be difficult for most parents/ carers. Especially for their first relationship, you are both entering a new world. Relationships are complicated for anyone but for teenagers, everything is magnified; the love, the lust, and the emotions are all intensified by hormones and their changing body. Try to remember this when you question their behaviour or decisions. Teenage relationships tend to be shorter and more intense, in both relationship and break up.

• My child is in a relationship, what should I do?

  Things you can do to help:

   

  • Try not to show your judgement. As parents, it is natural to judge your child’s behaviour or decisions but it you show it they may not confide in you again.
  • Make sure your child knows you are there if you ever need them. Sometimes they don’t want advice or lecturing but just someone to listen.
  • Make sure they know their own boundaries and how to communicate these with others.
  • Make your own boundaries clear e.g Are partners allowed in their bedroom? Do they have a curfew when on a date?
  • Discuss healthy relationships and how to identify an unhealthy one
  • Openly discuss abuse in relationship
  • Don’t presume the sexuality of your child.
  • Make sure they clearly understand the basics of the anatomy, sex and conception- this is important for both sons and daughters. 
  • Discuss contraception, STIs and safer sex
  • Discuss the implications of sex, particularly unsafe sex
  • Discuss the sexual health clinic, how and where they can access clinic and emergency contraception. It can also be useful to understand your rights as a parent.
  • Make sure your child has the knowledge to resist peer pressure and how to say no to sex
  • Encourage your child to think about what is important to them when looking for a partner. You can maybe help them identify what may be negotiable e.g. muscular body, and what should be non-negotiable, e.g. kind, caring. 
     

   

  Some of these can be difficult to discuss and may lead to uncomfortable conversations. That's ok; sometimes the most important conversations can also be the most difficult. If you are struggling to start or keep the conversation going, you can point them in the right direction of where to look. Childline has a great selection of information and resources to either look at together or separately.

• My child has just had their first break-up, how can I help them?

  The end of any relationship is hard, but teenage breakups can be particularly heart-breaking. Remember, if they're the one who was 'dumped', this may be their first feelings of rejection. To make things worse, teenage breakups are often public in school, college, or on social media.

   

  Try to be sensitive to their situation, don't just brush it off and minimise the relationship.  It's difficult to predict how your child may want you to react; some may want advice while others may just want someone to listen. Some may just want space and time to process things alone or with friends. It is important to respect their wishes and if you're unsure how you can help, just ask. Remember, you know your child better than anyone and sometimes you should listen to your instincts.  

   

  On the other hand, some teenagers may appear unaffected by a breakup. Everyone handles situations differently and it is not helpful to expect certain emotions that they may not have, or maybe would prefer to process their emotions privately.

   

  During a break up, sadness and tears are expected. However, if you feel your child is depressed or suffering mentally, it is important to seek help. You can seek help from their GP or access a mental health service such as:

  • Child and Adolescent Mental Health Services (or CAMHS) is a service that works with children and young people (and their families) up to the age of 16 when they have problems that have a serious effect on their daily life – this can include things like anxiety, depression, eating difficulties and coping with traumatic experiences.
  • If you would like to talk to someone in confidence over the phone about a mental health problem or concern then there are various helplines available such as Childline (0800 1111) and Hopeline (0800 068 4141)
  • Young Minds  is a charity committed to improving the emotional wellbeing and mental health of children and young people; their website has lots of information and blogs about mental health and wellbeing.
  • The Mix  is an information service website for young adults around a whole range of issues including mental health.
  • Kooth is an online counselling and well-being support platform for 11- 25-year-olds.
• I think my child may be in a abusive relationship?

  Abuse can be present in any relationship, even teenage ones. Abuse usually happens gradually and doesn't always include violence. Abuse in a relationship may look like:

  • Controlling behaviour – telling you what to wear, who you can be friends with, checking your phone.
  • Physical violence – hitting, kicking, biting, throwing objects
  • Threat and intimidation- threats to hurt you, your family, friends, pets or themselves
  • Sexual – any type of sexual contact that you don't want such as kissing, touching or penetration

  If anyone has sex with you when you do not want to, this is rape. It is still rape if that person is your partner.

  For further information on domestic abuse please click here.